erin_twlight

Chapter 1: Burning

Anger. It was a strange feeling. It overtook all senses, and made you do things you'd someday regret. I could feel it now. Attaching itself to all my nerves. Clouding my vision with a misty haze. I clenched my hands in to fists as I realized they were shaking. Why did I want to suppress the anger? Now that I started thinking about it, I didn't. I wanted to let it flow through my limbs, and feel intimidating. There were lots of reasons to be angry. For one, my parents. They didn't understand me at all. They didn't trust me at all. That's why I had to sneak out to come to this party. What's the worst I could do? Get a little stoned? Yeah right. I only did a drug once. What else? Get a little smashed? Didn't matter to me. I'd just have a hangover the next day. It's not like I could get into an accident, I didn't even have a car. In fact I wanted to be angry. So many things to be angry at. My brother. My parents. My life. Everything in general. I could feel the hatred anger brought to the surface, with other emotions. Jealousy, confusion, mistrust. Right along with the obvious ones, hatred, frustration, and downright madness. I just let the anger flow through me, embracing it rather than trying to sustain it. It felt good to let it out. Stupid parents. I hate them. Treating me like I’m five years old. Ordering me around. As soon as I was 18, I was going to leave. I hated living with them. Them, and my annoying, stuck up, snot nose brat of a brother. He got away with everything. If something broke, he’d say I did it, and without even a question for me it was my fault. I hated always being grounded. I hated them not trusting me. I just really hate my life right now.

With that I turned and headed straight to the bar, picked out the first thing I saw and downed it. It felt good, burning my throat on the way down. I automatically ordered another one, and again I downed it in one shot. I spotted my best friend and managed to stumble my way over to her. I hadn't realized how strong that drink was until I started walking, and felt the familiar signs of becoming drunk start to creep into my body. Oh well, I thought. It would do me good to lose myself for a few hours. That was one reason I liked being drunk. I could forget about everyone, and everything, and just let loose. You wouldn’t understand how reliving it was, I vaguely remembered telling a friend one time. I had managed to make my way across the dance floor of close pressed bodies touching too closely, and too privately to be comfortable. I may like drinking, and smoking occasionally, but one thing I was not was a slut. The farthest I had ever gone was making out. And just to say, I didn't even have a boyfriend right now. I hadn't had a boyfriend since I was in eighth grade. And that was like two years ago. I'm a sophomore right now. Sixteen years old. Nearly seventeen.

I hadn't been paying much attention, so I ran straight into best friend, Marce. She didn't look too surprised to see my nearly smashed already. She actually laughed. But I was used to it. We had this strange connection between us. We both liked what the other liked and understood each other perfectly. She was the only person I had to talk to. I had no one else. She was the only person who was always there, no matter how crazy the situation was. We’d met on the first day of kindergarten and been friends since. I smiled sheepishly at her, as she caught me. “Looks like someone’s had a bit much to drink.” She grinned as she said this, and I nodded dumbly.

“Well, try to just stay in this one spot, I’m going to go find Jake and tell him I got to take you home early.” She disappeared into the mass of bodies and I spotted a couch and moved to sit on it. A guy who looked extremely anxious was sitting on the opposite of the couch, but I ignored him. Then he tried speaking to me.

“You look agitated. What’s wrong?” This immediately for some strange reason brought the anger back out.

“Why is it any of your business?” I said icily.

He put his hands up as if he were surrendering and said, “Hey don’t freak out on me, I’m just saying maybe you need to loosen up.”

“And how did you think I should do that?” He grinned at me and pulled a bag filled with a white substance out of his back pocket.

“It’s called Flame. It’s pretty new, and it lets you forget everything, and feel like your flying. Here try it.” He was already laying out a line on the table. It looked a lot longer than I remembered making them.

“Just do it.” he said, noticing my hesitation. I knew I shouldn’t do it. The only drug I had ever done was pot. And that was once. It didn’t really sit well with my body. But I could still feel the anger in me. What’s the worst that could happen? I knew the answer to that. But as the anger made itself known, it got me thinking, Why not? My parents deserve to worry. They deserve to wonder why I’m not home when they wake up. Hatred was building up in me and I knew I wanted to let loose, forget all of my worries. And I did it. I grabbed the straw and shoved it onto the table, my nose following after. I sucked in through my nose, and let out a hiss as it burned the insides of my nose.

I tried again picking up the last of the line he had laid out. He smirked and put down another line, about the same length. I laughed and did it again. By now my head was swirling, and he was right. I couldn’t remember any of my worries. I felt like I was flying. I hadn’t realized I had stood up until I could see the carpet swirling towards me. A strong hand caught me. I looked up and saw that it was the guy who had offered me the Flame in the first place.

“Steady there.” He let go of me, made sure I wasn’t going to fall, and then disappeared without even a goodbye. That was weird I thought to myself. But I didn’t dwell on it long. I couldn’t. It was impossible to make myself focus on one thing for long. When I thought of something, before I had even seen what it was, I was thinking of something else. Another thought came into my head, and I worked really hard to stay focused on it, because I knew it was important. Marce wasn’t back. It shouldn’t have taken her that long to find Jake, but I couldn’t concentrate much longer, my palms were breaking into a sweat, and I was shaking with the effort it took to concentrate. I let go of the thought and was immediately relaxed more.

I started moving towards the dance floor. I had a strange urge to dance and twirl around. I had never been graceful. And I honestly didn’t have much rhythm, so I was surprised when I started spinning and moved effortlessly to the music. The people moved out of the way for me, and I heard, “oohs” and “ahhs”. I found out that I craved their attention. I wanted it badly, and found myself trying hard to look graceful and please them. I thought I was doing pretty well, because people pulled out their phones and cameras starting to record me. Someone grabbed my arm and I was halfway across the room before I realized it. I started kicking and protesting, but they pulled me into a side room. I froze. I knew what happened when a guy pulled a smashed girl into a side room. I shuddered and the person holding me let go and stepped back. I looked at their face for the first time, and saw that it was the same guy who had offered me the Flame.

“Who are you?” I said. I was mesmerized by his face. I couldn’t look away, and I didn’t want to.

“You don’t want to know.” he answered. I do, or I wouldn’t have asked.” I said stubbornly. He smiled. I kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye, but when I looked I saw there was nothing. It was starting to freak me out. And again, I noticed I had a strange urge to please the man before me.

“You know, I shouldn’t have given you that.”

“Given me what?” I said, knowing the answer already.

“The Flame. For most of your kind it drives them insane.”

This puzzled me for a moment, but I said “Your kind?” knowing that what he said was not making any sense. He just smiled again shook his head and said,

“I’m going to find Marce. Do not move. Stay sitting right on the bed. You need to get home.” Rather than listen to him I stood up and said

“How do you know who Marce is? You’re starting to freak me out.”

He replied with “Good, I should.” I sensed there was something he wasn’t telling me, but before I could say anything he slid out the door.

I lay on the floor imagining I was flying then wondered idly what it would be like to actually fly. I thought it would be a good idea to find out. I stood, noticing that it was extremely hot in the room. I walked over to a door I hadn’t seen before, opened it and saw that it led out onto a balcony. I smiled and walked out the door. It was a lot cooler outside but my body was still hot. I stripped off my jacket and skirt, leaving me in a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans. I wondered over to the edge of the balcony, and sat right on the edge. The wind was blowing hard, and it cooled the outside of my face, but inside I was still hot. That’s odd I thought, but then went back to letting my mind wander. The guy still wasn’t back with Marce. That was weird, but I ignored it and stood up, balancing on the edge. I looked down. It wasn’t a long drop, and again I begin to wonder what it would feel like to fly. I faced straightforward, and put my arms out preparing to jump.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Where was Jake? I couldn’t find him. I had looked everywhere. Maybe he went home I reasoned. I guess I should go find Kristen. I thought of her standing there drunk and surrounded by dancing. I laughed internally. I moved down the stairs and made my way across the dance floor to where I thought she would be. But of course, she wasn’t. Where could she be? Better yet, if I was Kristen where would I go? I told her to stay right here, but then again it was Kristen. She was smashed and she probably just wondered off somewhere. But then again, how could she even walk right? She was stumbling across the floor last time I saw here. Which was only a few minutes ago. Wasn’t it? I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. I nearly dropped my phone.

It was quarter after midnight. I had been looking for Jake for half an hour. Kristen could be anywhere. I swallowed the lump in my throat and starting moving around the room. Anyone I found I asked, “Have you seen Kristen?” Everyone replied with either, “Nope sorry.” or “I don’t know who that is.” God, why did I always have to be the responsible one? I never got drunk anymore. I didn’t smoke or do drugs. And I certainly never stumbled around a party by myself, drunk out of my mind. I mean even Kristen had standards, but there were people at this party that I definitely did not want her to run into while she is as drunk as she is. There had been too many times someone took advantage of another person because they were either drunk, high, or both. And none of those situations had happy endings. I started trying to shout over the music for Kristen, but no answer came.

I was on the verge of tears when I ran smack into someone. I looked up apologies already coming out of my mouth, until a hand covered my mouth. I then realized who it was and I started to try and shake him off of me. It was my ex-boyfriend, whom I had broken up with and filed charges against him for abusing me. His hand was still covering my mouth and I was shrieking against it. But no one could hear me over the music, and the pounding bass. He pulled me across the floor staying close to the wall, so no one would be to suspicious. But it’s hard to be suspicious when you’re falling over your own feet because of how drunk you are. I was still shrieking when he let go quickly cussing loudly. I skittered back and he tried throwing a punch at me. I braced myself, but no punch came.I opened my eyes startled, to find blood pouring down his face, seeming to come from his nose. He looked shocked for a moment then, ignoring the blood, he started screaming out cuss words, and throwing punches towards a man whom I had never seen before. I threw myself into the crowd enough so I could still see the fight, but he wouldn’t be able to see me. It seemed that the mysterious man had taken no hits, but Blake had. His black hair was plastered to his head from the effort of the fight. He had cuts running along his arms, and his nose was still pouring blood. He still didn’t seem to notice this, and from his eyes you could tell how angry he was. I flinched, remembering him looking like that for something that had happened, than taking out on me. I could practically feel right where he had hit me. But the difference was I didn’t hit back, and I got a lot more hurt than this man who was fighting him had. Blake looked like he was going insane from all the hits he had taken. He just kept swinging, and swinging, and swinging, but every time it seemed like he had the man in his grasp, he would move out of the way at just the last second. I realized in all the chaos, I had stepped a lot closer to Blake then I wanted to be. I could feel the heat emitting from his body. I started to back away, but apparently Blake heard me. I froze. I couldn’t make my body run or hit back. I hadn’t realized I’d started crying. I couldn’t even move my hand to wipe them away. Blake took one step towards me, and then a fist connected hard with his abdomen. He screamed, and cussed even louder as he went down to the floor. I dived into the crowd as soon as Blake’s attention was elsewhere. I didn’t know what to do. I was still sobbing, but I barely noticed. My head was swirling. Blake and the man were still going at it. Blake was covered in blood, and I knew the other man would grow tired before Blake. I wanted to get out of there, but it was like I was in a trance. I was transfixed on the fight going on, and I couldn’t seem to move away from it or towards it. Blake was taking blow after blow, and in return he was swinging his fists even harder. Blake would soon hit the man, and I knew it would be enough force to knock him out. He had knocked me out once before. An involuntary shiver ran up my spine. That was when Blake started to change his tactic. He lunged towards me then spun around to hit the man. But he wasn’t there. Blake turned towards me again stalking forward like a lion stalking its pray. I saw his fist come up and swing towards me, but then a dark figure stepped in front of me. All of the colors in the room started to swirl together, and it all looked jumbled together. I saw a dark dot move towards a light dot, then the light dot was on the floor. After that, I was beyond recognition. Everything just faded into blackness.
     

“Marce!” This was not the first time my named had been called. I struggled to open my eyes, but it felt like the were glued together. Something cold hit my face and I gasped, eyes flying open. I was on a floor, and standing over me was the man whom had fought Blake. Blake! I started scanning the room, and found him three feet away, unconscious.
     “What happened? And how long was I unconscious?” I kept glancing at Blake, surprised that a man who looked this small could take down Blake.

“As you can see, Blake got what was coming to him, and you were only out for a moment.” he gestured towards Blake as he said this, emphasizing that he was unconscious.

“Why did you fight him though? I mean I’m grateful, but he was after me, not you.”

“I stopped him because no one deserves what he was going to do to you. He is a horrible person. Now do you think you can walk? I need to take you to Kristen.” At the mention of Kristen I jumped up, instantly regretting. I fell to my knees and dry heaved. It was a good thing I hadn’t eaten much or it would be covering the floor right now. I stood slowly this time, as to not trigger the nausea. It worked.

“Okay, take me to Kristen. How did you find her? Where is she?” I said. I had looked everywhere for her, yet this stranger stumbled upon her without meaning too.

“It wasn’t that hard to find her. She was stumbling around the floor. I left her in one of the side rooms, and you might want to know, she isn’t in her… best state.”

“What do you mean ‘best state’?” This man was starting to confuse me, but I really needed to find Kristen. What if he was lying, and had no idea where she was? I had to admit I was getting a bit anxious about following a man, who was stronger than Blake into a side room. Then something struck me as odd.

“Why were you even looking for Kristen?” I hadn’t realized until now that he’d said “it wasn’t hard to find her”. I really was becoming scared of the man.

“You wouldn’t understand if I told you, but Kristen tried something she shouldn’t have, and I’m trying to set it right. And when I say best state, I mean she is high as a kite, and not on a very good substance. She is extremely disoriented.” his face portrayed no emotions as he said this. We had made our way across the dance floor and were now in a side corridor.

“She’s right in here.” he let me push past him to open the door. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. As they did, I scanned the room. Kristen was not in sight. That’s when I saw the door standing wide open. Sure enough Kristen was there.

“Kristen?” I called questioningly. I finally noticed where she was standing. “KRISTEN!!” I started screaming, as I ran towards her. But it was too late. She had already stepped off. I was screaming and sobbing at the same time. The man was running towards her too.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I plunged into the air, just in time to see Marce come through the doorway, see me and come screaming. But it was too late. I was already falling through the air. It felt amazing. The wind blew my hair around my face, and I couldn’t help letting out a scream from the exhilaration. I was actually flying. I couldn’t believe it. I could still here the echoes of Marce’s scream, but it seemed distant. Then all too soon it ended. The free feeling was replaced with pain. Raging agony. My bones felt like knives stabbing into every part of me, and the pain was increased intensely with each movement. It hurt so bad. I just wanted to close my eyes and let the pain fade away but I couldn’t. It hurt too much to even think. Or breathe. I felt like I was on fire. I could feel every pain through out my body. All of the pains seemed to collide as one, and in one final movement, it pulled me into darkness.

Caught

Peeking around the corner, I saw no one was coming and slid carefully down the hall. Jace’s door was just around the next corner. It was cracked open the smallest bit, and I tiptoed inside. Jace lay on the bed in a relaxed position, but I knew he was just as nervous as I was. The thought of getting caught sent a shudder down my spine. I knew it was wrong to love him, but it was impossible not to. I just really wished he wasn’t my brother, then we wouldn’t have to sneak around every night if we wanted to see each other. I moved toward the bed and sat next to him. He grabbed my hand and sat up, pulling me closer to him. He pressed his lips against mine, and every though I had was pretty much forgotten. I could feel the heat off of his body, and I could feel the desire in his lips. It was easy to forget I was kissing my brother, I did it all the time. Every time he touched me, it was like a fire exploded beneath my skin, and I was always left wanting more. I put my leg around his waist and kissed him harder, with all the passion I could. Even without seeing him, I could imagine the look on his face. I knew he was chuckling because I could feel the air that went into my mouth. I also knew he would be smirking as I pushed him back onto the bed, and let my hands trace his chest. That was when I heard it. The gasp from the edge of his room. I jumped up and Jace did the same. I couldn’t make out the person, because it was pretty dim, but obviously they could tell who we were.

“What are you doing, Jace?” Of course it was Alec. “She’s your sister!” I sat in the corner, my face a scarlet red. Alec didn’t even speak to me. He was just glaring at Jace, with disgust, and disbelief. “What do you want Alec?” Jace said calmly, not answering his previous question. “ Well I was coming to talk to you. But I can see your busy.” He sneered, and took off out the doorway. “Alec! Come back” he yelled. He looked at me and said, “ I got to go catch up with him, I’m sorry Clary.” And with that he was out the door. I collapsed on the bed, still breathing heavily. I don’t know how long I sat there but Jace didn’t came back. I wiped at my face, not even realizing I had started to cry. I walked down the hallways to the elevator, and left for my home, where I knew Luke would be awake, wondering where I was.

How could she do this to me? After everything we’d been through. And Magnus. My anger was beyond words as I walked into the institute. “Alec!” I yelled exiting the elevator. I didn’t stop to pet Church as I stomped angrily through the halls. I went straight to the weapons room, knowing I would find Alec there. I slammed the door open and it thunked loudly against the wall. “Alec, come with me.” I could barely keep in control of my voice. Alec looked stunned. He had dropped the weapon he was holding and I didn’t look down to see what it was. Instead, I stomped down the hall back towards the elevator. I didn’t stop to see if Alec was following, I could hear him panting as he practically ran to keep up with me. He managed to get in the elevator before the doors creaked shut. “Geez…… What…. Is ……. Wrong?” he panted. “Clary.” Alec’s face lit up in fear for a second, “Is she okay? What happened-?” I cut him off before he could say anymore. “Stupid self centered antagonistic freaking MAGNUS BANE!” “What does he have to do with this?” Alec asked. “EVERY-FREAKING-THING!” Alec knew better than to answer this. He could tell from my mood that he would hear what was bugging me eventually. He followed me the few short blocks to Taki’s, by which time I had my emotions in control. I reminded myself to not let my emotions gain control over me. It’s just, how could I not when he was kissing her? The girl I had dreams about every single night, the girl I couldn’t keep out of my head, even when I was mad at her, the girl I was completely in love with. My sister. And MAGNUS FREAKING BANE! His face taunted my every thought as we sat in the corner booth of Taki’s. Alec watched me with a bemused expression. “So are you going to tell me what happened?” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “I went to see Clary today…” He looked at me expectantly as I paused. Though I was speaking through my teeth I managed to tell him what had happened. “I walked in the door, and Magnus was there. This surprised me at first but I didn’t care, then I noticed he was holding her hand. Then Clary looked up at me, and smiled as Magnus leaned in and kissed her cheek.” I was shivering with the amount of anger built up in me. I exhaled again, and looked at Alec. I couldn’t really understand his expression. There was a mixture of emotions flitting across his face, but the most prominent was astonishment. “Clary turned back to him and kissed her full on the lips.” I continued, “I said I didn’t know you two were together, and left before the anger could build up inside me.” Alec was frozen. “How could he do this to me?” It took Alec a few seconds to answer. “Well Jace, if you remember, you were the one who told her you would only be her brother. Being her brother means she is aloud to see other people…” He trailed off. “But why would she go for Magnus Bane?” I spat. “ Only she knows that.” An idea was forming itself it my head, I didn’t really want to ask Alec to help me with this for it would hurt him deeply. But if it got me Clary back, I would do it. Even though we had not ordered anything I got out of the booth, and marched out to the street. Alec followed along quietly as we made our way back to the Institute.

When we were seated in my room I glanced up at Alec. He looked back at me with curious eyes. “ What?” he demanded, after I continued to stare at him. “ Alec,” I said slowly, “ If I asked you to do me a favor, what would you say?” “ I would say yes of course, What do you need?” Rather than answering his question I asked my own. “ Why have you never told me your gay?” I looked up to measure his reaction. His breath caught and he froze. His face turned a greenish color, and I waited until it had gone back to normal. “Why do you think I’m gay?” Alec asked, only his lips moving. “That’s not answering my question.” He looked back at me with agony in his eyes. “ What do you need me to do Jace?” He barely whispered. “I need to make Clary jealous.” “What does that have to do with me?” “Well I need your help to make her jealous.” It took a few minutes for Alec to answer, his face agonized the whole time. “ Okay” He finally said. “What do we need to do?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“ Do you think it worked?” I asked Magnus warily. He eyed me for a second then said “ Most likely. Do we have to keep this up much longer though? I’m sure we have played with Jace’s heart enough.” I blushed scarlet red, and played idly with my fingers. Jace had decided to only be my brother, And now I was trying to make him regret it. In this puzzle, Magnus was the key. Seeing as he was gay, kissing me meant nothing to him. Sure it was a bit awkward for me…. But I was prepared to do anything to get Jace back. I hadn’t been watching for Jace’s reaction, but Magnus assured me it had been anger, and betrayal. There was a knock at the door. I looked at Magnus questioningly. He shrugged and I went to sit next to him. I grabbed his hand and he rolled his eyes. “Come in!” I yelled. Alec walked in with a sheepish grin, holding Jace’s hand. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and looked and Manus and my intertwined fingers. Jace smiled and said “Hey Clary.” He nodded at Magnus, who smiled back politely. I turned toward Magnus who kissed me briefly on the lips. Jace smiled at us again and pulled Alec closer. He leaned in swiftly to kiss Alec on the cheek. My mouth fell open with a little popping sound, and I closed it immediately. Magnus’s only reaction was to tighten his hand around mine. “So could we help you with something Jace?” he didn’t even regard Alec. “ No we were just dropping in, and we wanted to see if you wanted to go to Taki’s with us later.” Jace smiled before leaning in to kiss Alec lightly across the lips. I shifted closer to Magnus and pressed my lips against his for a long moment. Jace’s face hardened the tiniest bit. I smiled back at him, and managed to squish myself even closer to Magnus. Jace towed Alec along behind him to sit on the couch opposite us. Alec managing to sit closer to Jace than I was to Magnus. I threw myself into Magnus’s lap and pressed my lips hard against his. Jace doing the same with Alec. When I was finally out of breath I got out of Magnus’s lap and sat beside him again. I looked at Jace and he looked angry. “WOULD YOU LET GO OF HER?!” Jace yelled, at the same time, Magnus yelling, “WOULD YOU LET GO OF HIM?!” Magnus and Jace both stood up, Jace coming to snatch me of the seat, and Magnus moving to sit next to Alec. “Come on Clary” Jace practically snarled. Magnus and Alec were holding hands enthusiastically as Jace towed me out the door. “ What was that about?” He yelled, keeping his hands locked around my wrists. Before I could say anything he continued “ To see you with him… I want to kill him when he touches you that way.” “Oh and you think I feel just peachy watching you flirt with all the girls, and now Alec?!” He flinched when I said that but continued on, “ That was all to make you jealous Clary! I cannot live with out you. You are in my every thought!” This left me speechless, and I couldn’t think how to make my mouth move to form words anyways. Jace moved one of his hands off of my wrist, but only to gather them both in one hand. He took his free hand and put it under my chin forcing me to meet his gaze. And before I could say or do anything to protest, not that I wanted to anyways, his lips were hard on mine.